Navigating Christmas with a Foster Child

Christmas has a way of stirring something deep in us - the magic of twinkling lights, the pull of traditions, the warmth of gathering around the table. But when you're navigating this season with a foster child, the terrain can feel a little uneven. The steps aren't always clear, and the rhythm often changes without warning.

For many foster children, Christmas can be as bittersweet as it is beautiful. It can bring a longing for what's been lost - a family fractured, traditions left behind, or even the simplest comforts. For others, it's a whirlwind of overstimulation: lights that flash too brightly, a calendar packed too tightly, and an unspoken pressure to "fit in" with a family that might still feel unfamiliar.

Here are some practical tips to help navigate this season with care and compassion.

1. Keep it simple

For foster children, Christmas can be overwhelming - a blur of unfamiliar faces, noisy gatherings, and new traditions. Instead of big plans, focus on creating a calm, safe space where they can feel steady and included.

Keep celebrations low-key and predictable. A quiet BBQ and a simple game of backyard cricket will be more comfortable than a packed schedule. Let them take things at their own pace, and don't push them to join every activity - it's okay to keep things small.

2. Make Room for Their Story

Christmas traditions hold memories, and for foster children, those memories can be complex. They might miss the way things were - or the way they wished they could have been. Instead of expecting them to simply step into your traditions, invite them to share theirs, or perhaps begin a new tradition which allows them some input such as choosing a tree decoration together.

If they're open, honour their story by weaving it into yours. Maybe it's a song they remember or a way of decorating the tree. These small gestures say, "Your story matters here."

Jennifer, one of our foster carers, recently shared a story about how she helped Mia, an eight-year-old foster child in her care celebrate Christmas:

"We were all busy decorating the tree and I noticed Mia was sitting back looking a little overwhelmed. I gently asked if she'd like to hang an ornament and she said, 'We didn't have a tree at home'. While I was thinking this through and feeling more than a little awkward, she added 'But my mum used to hang tinsel on the door.' So, we decided to hang tinsel on our front door that year and Mia helped choose the colour. It was a small thing, but for her, it made the unfamiliar feel a little more like home."

3. Be Ready for Big Feelings

For foster children, Christmas can be a season of mixed emotions - joy and sadness, laughter and grief, all wrapped up together. They might giggle during a game of backyard cricket one moment and feel the weight of loss the next. This doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. It means they're navigating a complicated reality.

You can be their anchor. Name what's happening: "This season can bring up a lot of feelings, can't it?" Reassure your child that it's okay to feel happy or sad - or both. All of it belongs here. Your calm presence can remind them they're safe, no matter what they're feeling.

4. Reframe Gift-Giving

For some foster children, an abundance of gifts might feel overwhelming - or highlight what they've missed in the past. Instead of focusing on what they receive, invite them into the joy of giving. Perhaps they can help you prepare a Christmas gift for neighbours, make cards for teachers, or help choose a present for a family member.

By shifting the focus from getting to giving, you create a space where they can experience belonging and generosity - without forcing it. If they're not ready to join in, that's okay too.

5. Extend Grace to Yourself

It's natural to feel the weight of wanting to make Christmas 'just right', especially when caring for a foster child. But the reality is, there's no perfect way to navigate the season. It's okay to feel tired, uncertain, or even to mourn the loss of the ideal holiday you had envisioned.

What truly matters is your presence. It's in the small, intentional acts of care that a foster child feels valued and loved. These moments remind them - and you - that perfection isn't the goal. Remember, every child and family will experience Christmas differently - there's no right or wrong way to navigate this season. It's a time when many families may lean on their church community, extended family, or other supports for connection. Keep in mind, too, that children are often out of their usual routines during the holidays, which can bring its own challenges. What matters most is showing up with care, flexibility, and an open heart.